The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. George Carlin Quotes ", Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. According to those who knew them they were one of the great pairings of all time. I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. Bravo/NBCUPB Or the more caring, sensitive "Brace yourself, Agnes!". Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity., Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?, That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it., May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house., Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups., There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. George Carlin Quotes (Author of Brain Droppings) They own, and control the corporations. So what Im left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I cant quite remember. Carlins indignant voice feels so impossible to duplicate that quotes he never said and entire essays he didnt write are often wrongly attributed to him. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. You can change your preferences. The planet is fine been here 4 1/2 billion years. He is widely regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comedians, one of the first in the 1960s to use profanity in his routines. Kelly Carlin said she could understand why audiences might long for her fathers particular brand of unvarnished honesty at this moment. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. Now I feel better., Theres a humorous side to every situation. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. There is nothing wrong with the planet. Please check link and try again. Others see it half empty. (My older brother, Patrick, can't say the same.) Your dog thinks you're a god. As he explained in a 1997 interview on The Chris Rock Show, he essentially saw himself as a playful provocateur. Censorship that comes from the outside assumes about people an inability to make reasoned choices. Good news for senior citizens: Death is near! There were other court jesters before Carlin and alongside Carlin, but Carlin was more powerful and dangerous to the king, said Journey Gunderson, the executive director of the National Comedy Center, which is home to more than 25,000 items from Carlins archives. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up. Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readTeach them to question what they read. The case was later dismissed and the comedian was widely admired for his free-speech stance. Saimonas is a list curator at Bored Panda with BA in Multimedia. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. But there is an I in independence, individuality, andintegrity. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin, There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Honesty may be the best policy, but its important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. George Carlin. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. Some are funny, some are insightful, but theyre all packed with his typical brutal honesty. Are these people kidding? Copywriter and content writer on a quest to explore every corner of the world, one country at a time. Ohhh this one made me laugh loud enough to wake up the dog. We are! I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. 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Quotes Its refreshing to listen to another human being tell you exactly how they feel, even if its 180 degrees removed from what you agree with.. Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Poor puppy!! (Closed), Hey Pandas, Whats A Book Or Movie Trope You Cant Stand? My favorite joke from him is, "They say that quitting smoking will add 10 years to your life. Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time,George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other taboo subjects. Few of us care in quite the same way if our choices in life would meet the approval of Johnny Carson or Andy Kaufman. He produced more than 20 albums and made over a hundred appearances in . Enjoy! WebGeorge Carlin > Quotes (?) By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. Documentary, Comedy, 2005. He was hilarious! The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Its still bracing to hear the bitter wordplay in his lament: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it., When he spoke, you always felt like you were hearing the truth, or his truth, said the comedian Bill Burr. They own you. Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion, George Carlin (2004). Weve added years to life, not life to years.. It takes up a lot of your time. He despised euphemism and the policing of language, reviled what he called the continued puss-ification of the American male and rebuked his countrymen who would trade away a little of their freedom for the feeling the illusion of security.. 0. That leftist bent was unmistakable in Carlins standup, too: He railed against police violence, championed prison reform and environmentalism and condemned organized religion. Cause we swam in raw sewage. I mean, life is tough. And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. George Carlin, Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, If there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that hes at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesnt give a shit. Maher invoked the comedian George Carlin, Ooops! An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Interestingly, this is also the duty of the science fiction author. And because my mother really loved him. I think my dad would say that is dangerous.. Quotations by George Carlin, American Comedian, Born May 12, 1937. And if, somehow, you must join, if it's unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. And have them happy that you did it.. Though she generally tries to avoid intervening in these kinds of disputes, Kelly Carlin has used her social media to correct this reading. George Carlin would have been anti-vaccination, she said. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, its not the politicians who suck. Staying conceived literally required a miracle. Kelly Carlin said her father was 99 percent progressive and that he raised her in a manner that today might be contemptuously dismissed as woke. On other modern-day topics in which George Carlin surely would have had an incendiary but clarifying take on the Trump and Biden presidencies, social media, Elon Musk or the Marvel Cinematic Universe no matter how much we might wish to know his thoughts, he remains frustratingly out of reach. Welcome back. George Carlin was Cremated and Ashes scattered. Nobody "owns" anything. I just dont have as many people who believe it., Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. George Carlin A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed. another one current folks don't wanna touch w a 10 foot clown pole eh? George Carlin Quotes Nobody owns anything. For the most part, Carlin left behind no protgs or appointed successors. Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? George Carlin, Laugh often, long and loud. George Carlin 11. Term limits aint going to do any good; youre just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. What if I want to have a crappy day?, "That'd be easy. Be the first to learn about new releases! 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They should be giving their money to you., There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Maron contended that free-speech conflicts have shifted since Carlins era in such a way that it doesnt make sense to drag Carlin back into them. WebGeorge Carlin Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. It will not be with jack-boots. George Carlin Used Comedy To Preach His Views And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever til the end of time! It will not be with jack-boots. Never join a group that has a name. Johnny Carson Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. Others see it half empty. Dislocated from the time and circumstances that inspired his work, the arguments he delivered can be made to serve purposes he didnt intend. But don't participate; it will be your death. There is a line (queue). AFTER THE DEATH OF HIS WIFE! Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote - Goodreads When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin. Carlin is a venerated figure in his chosen field who unites performers as disparate as Joe Rogan and Jim Gaffigan, but hes also someone whose influence transcends comedy. Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? A lot of us know that youre supposed to say Carlin is an influence, but I dont think a lot of us can back that up, the comedian Nikki Glaser said. But he was also critical of Democrats and guilty white liberals, while he endorsed other ideas that conservatives supported. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. His irreverent jokes and no-holds-barred attitude made him a fan favorite but also landed him in trouble with the law more than once. Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family., Most people with low self-esteem have earned it., If you cant say something nice about a person, go ahead.. Whats that, a bonus? Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails. And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place., Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life., A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin, I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other peoples lost memories. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts.