People shouldnt just ask anyone everyone they find the least bit attractive while at their place of work but I think it is different if you think you could really have a strong connection with this person. I know you get tips at chipotle, but thats a bonus thats split by everyone in the restaurant, not the source of your income. One creative way to ask out a cashier is through lindy hop dancing. OP: I think most people can tell when there is some genuine interest going on. One of the firemen involved found one of my coworkers to be attractive. You have some power (even implied power) over a cashier with your ability to complain and get them reprimanded, or even because she'll be forced to be nice to you during her shifts even after rejecting you should it come to that. The power differential is still theredepending on store management, the customer still may have the power to get this person yelled at/firedbut its a lot less so. Hi, OP here. This is NOTHING like the experience of attractive (or even unattractive) women I worked with. As a woman, Im also flattered when Im politely asked out, even though I do not accept the invitations (Im married). If "no" seems like it would damage, hurt or invalidate you, get to healthcare and work that out. At some point we realized that we needed to meet outside the store to really talk, which we then did. Thats a good practice for people. ", Although, if i were you, i would have used that line (but that's me). So, I'd strongly advise against even doing it this way. How could I have better handled telling this minority woman I liked her cultural hairstyle? I took her for granted and now shes gone. Do your own research to find contact information; dont rely on the phone number printed on the check. And for what its worth, having been a barista and worked at Target, there really wasnt any appreciable difference between being asked out and being hit on. Women arent delicate flowers and men, as a gender whole, arent big scary monsters. Get their attention by saying something like I was wondering if youd like to grab dinner sometime rather than Will you go out with me? Im a public librarian, married to a patron. She declined, and he drove by her as she was walking to the bus stop and rolled down his window and asked her again if she wanted a ride. I got hit on by so many men when I was 16ish that could have been my father. There really does seem to be something about the librarian/bookstore girl stereotype, and the kind of men that go for that, that makes things creepy. The employee being hit on? Next day I slipped my phone number on a piece of paper, didn't say a word and left. Ok but how do I do this without coming off as a creeper? ), then drop it, and to me, its no big deal. Please refrain. Hopefully she will respond. The only thing that the job requires is that the worker to be nice to their customer (most of the times). I will put a quick disclaimer/bias I am female, and I think women overall have to deal with this more than men, so its probably why its more annoying in my mind. When asking a cashier out, it is important to be respectful and considerate of their feelings. Apologies on behalf of the male half of the human race. Thanks for the advice and encouragement Erin! Thank you for the follow-up. Some do. But if she's more sensitive, even this will upset her, freak her out and make her uncomfortable every time she has to help you again. Ubuntu won't accept my choice of password. Super cute girl at a gas station I go to a lot. I would not go to a private residence alone if I hadnt hung out with someone before. Do this some times. This is exactly what I was coming here to post. On my first day of teaching ever. Its this: Be very well dressed and be well groomed. . Each party is still evaluating the other.). An alternative which isnt great could be posting a craigslist missed connection and somehow very strongly hint about it next time you see him (or see him then post the missed connection). A: The best way to gain confidence is to feel confident and know what to say. Id have to look it up, but I think its actually prohibited at the gym I work at to ask out members. Something like the Pareto Principle is definitely at play here 80% of creepy, inappropriate behavior comes from 20% of the population. Whilst approaching someone with the intention of asking them out, it is important not only to show interest but also respect for their feelings and situation. If I were single and shopping and met an individual Id like to ask out I would have. If you're awkward around women, and the cashier is the only girl talking to you in your whooooole entire life, then try shopping in another supermarket. I used to work at a library too and we were always told not to give out our full names and to be vigilant of patrons. In 2022, women earned an average of 82% of what men earned, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of median hourly earnings of both full- and part-time workers. I realized Im just one data point, but I am actually friends with many people who Ive met through work. The next time the store is slow and he rings you up when youre the only person in line have that piece of paper ready. Yes. ), This comment made me chuckle a little because I know that my husband (were he available) would never, ever pick up on this type of hint. I dont want to be reminded on a regular basis that people are thinking of me in a sexual way while Im working. My dear Internet god, those posters on Craigslist are pathetic. Get to know her (over a few visits to the grocery store) and in the process find somethings she's into. The key difference was that he had been coming into my bookstore for at least 6 months and chit-chatting with me about stuff, usually books but other things as well, before asking me out. Also, the OP doesnt need to overthink: the answer is almost certainly no. Hes probably being nice to the OP because being nice to customers is part of his job. If you think hes interested, write your phone/text number down and as youre leaving, talk with him a bit, smile, give your number to him and say if you ever want to talk outside of work, call me or text me then leave. He just seems interested. Well, the tricky thing about asking out someone in a customer service position is that their job requires them to be nice to you. Meet a friendly stranger in a very public, preferably bright lit space and, preferably surrounded by old friends and family. Yuck! You might even ask them to simply repeat what they said. Certainly, it can be that way, but to me, Id take being asked out as a form of flattery, even if I wasnt interested. Many, many people have posted here about their experiences working in customer service positions, which require them to be pleasant and nice to customers as part of their paycheck, and how unpleasant and difficult it is to negotiate romantic interest from customers when that power imbalance exists (and particularly when there are people who rely on or even enjoy that power imbalance). Simple things. Greet Customers Arriving in a Store It feels like a lose-lose situation. This is also a longshot. But I will also say I met one really great boyfriend while working. It is often used as an expression of joy which can be used to ask someone out in a fun way! I think the key here would be to respect the fact that she's stuck in that work place and just give her the opening and see if she responds. Then we had an interesting conversation about her other job (comic artist), and I left with her phone number. Since your hunch is that she does like you, all you really need to do is open a door. All rights reserved. Yes I definitely want to be cool about it and subtle and your story is inspiring! The only reason Im torn at all is because Ive also heard the stories of people meeting their husbands/wives through these connections. Im going to have to think about this one. Shes always at the checkout and never doing stuff like sorting products or cleaning the floor where I could actually ask her out. Oh, my bleeding eyes. Well, maybe I'll see you there! It gets so old! Youve got the people who say the waiter seemed friendly, so I gave him my number, and weve been married 30 years now. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Met a girl, we liked each other but now shes ignoring me and i want her back. Asking a cashier out is not always an easy prospect. An example could be, Hey so this is going to be super weird. If she doesn't respond, just say "thank you" as the transaction completes and you depart. The world is as creepy as its always been, but women have been learning to push back against some of the crap that society heaps on them as a punishment for merely existing and being female. I also want to say DONT DO IT! what can I say to job candidates who are stalking me outside of work? I've just met a guy, he may be the one! And I would tell a couple of friends where I was going and who I was with. Because of that, it can be easy to Take it easy, look how she reacts and accept it even if she is not interested in you. Theres also the fact that we dont know the OPs gender, and we dont know if this is opposite sex flirtation. If she does not react then forget it. I love that show, I wish they would bring it back. You should try it sometime. so if said gentleman wishes to run into you outside of work he would have a pretty good idea of how to do so. I was able to give my friend additional details and she said that the employee sounds nervous and that I should just give him a note, and that in fact, a customer of her own has been leaving notes for awhile and they are now dating. After the date has ended, be sure to follow up with your date by sending them a text or calling them; this will show that you are interested and care about them. Important: you give your number and dont ask for his number, and you do it on paper so that you dont need to text to his number or handle his phone to input anything. It is understandable how someone who works for an unreasonable manager or one who routinely sides with the customer could be concerned about what will happen when they turn that customer down. I wouldnt give a lot of credence to the signals in a retail environment, because as others have stated, its his job to be solicitous. Try to see this from her point of view. a very attractive girl working at But ultimately, I cant change who I am nor should I. Hello, OP here. I think it can be ok if you do it very carefully. They would try to dazzle me with charm, I would kindly redirect them to dazzle me with good work. A new cashier joined my local food shop. The Im having a party, stop by if youd like does seem like a good possible compromiseI think its because thats phrasing the request in such a way that the burden isnt on the employee to say no. Something that lets him know where youll be if he ever wanted to bump into you outside of a work environment. Then she returned change in copper coins, one at a time, staring me in the eye. How to get to know a service staff without interrupting her work? Make me a good burrito, and you will always have a platonic place in my heart. Get her a card to leave with her - write something sincere in it - like hey, I dont want to make it weird and ask you out at work, but you have a really pretty smile Its very frustrating. _ism_ OP here, I know where youre coming from. Eh, I would absolutely insist on meeting someone where there are people around, even if theyre neutral parties. But I didnt love YOU. The supervisor reached out to the safety manager; the safety manager reached out to my department manager; after the safety manager and department manager worked out who the fireman was interested in, my department manager approached my coworker and explained that one of the firemen was interested in asking her out. When lindy hopping, it is important to use positive body language and express excitement and enthusiasm. I agree that asking someone out can be different than hitting on someone, but for me as a woman in a publicly funded service role (library type work) Im pretty sick of being seen as on display and treated as a piece of meat at a buffet that people can ponder, look at, ask questions too, and ask out. The cashier probably wouldnt know how to find him if he just stopped showing up. And this is an obvious double standard but I think its less of a big deal because the manager in question is male. Because of that, it can be easy to mistakenly misinterpret them doing their job (being nice to you) as social/romantic interest. Its like when people say that women who are catcalled should feel flattered and that theyd personally feel soooo flattered if they had strangers harassing them on the street. I hope you have the common sense to not stalk her, to find out where she lives or what she does in her free time just to find a loophole and ask her there. It is a safe bet that they're all just doing their job. should I even consider interviewing somewhere else if Im happy with my job. My question is how I can ask for her number, or ask her out for coffee while she is only sitting at the checkout? This is not okay and very creepy. Its just as uncomfortable and frustrating. Lets give them the benefit of the doubt here. He told me that he had a girlfriend but they were on the rocks currently. I was actually a little traumatized by Alisons advice (although I do really appreciate that she replied and has provided a forum for others to respond) and the first couple of comments (this was much earlier today-I was shocked to see all of the responses that are here now and have just started going through them), so I stopped by a female friends shop today to ask her advice. That complicates the process of turning you down if they don't want to date you. When I worked retail, I got hit on a few times by male customers. 4 Remember customers' preferences. Personally I think the heres my number if you would like to talk when you are not at work approach sounds okay, although I totally understand the problem here. It can end well! You can round file it if you like but Ill do as I please. As a guy, I dont worry about the woman attacking me or anything but I do think about getting robbed by someone else hiding at her place. For more information, please see our She again said no. The degrees of freedom available to signify attraction are few. So I met this girl who is a cashier at a local store and shes really cute. Thanks fposte. That fact can confuse the romantic, so special handling is required. We ended up going separate ways in life, but he was a total gentleman and excellent +1 while it did last, and I still hold him in high regard years later. You catch feelings after you get to know her, not before. the expected level of anonymity and dehumanization :-) ) it is probably culturally accepted that if the person in front of you is engaging in conversation with the cashier, you politely wait. Oh wait, I did actually end up in a four year relationship that had been a customer and he ended up being a creep with major control issues, but that could have happened no matter where we had met. Her having to worry about that violates the principle of empowered. In this case, the crush could have ignored it. The guy was CLEARLY crushing on her, he was like he forgot something at the store so he came back, and proceeded to just chat further and she was smiling and just allowed herself to be responsive. In this case, it's simple: you get rejected. factors in her favor: -she is a very nice, polite person who would definitely have apologized and avoided ever going to that coffee shop again if he seemed offended or creeped out and after a few encounters we started really talking if there was no other customers around. The more you think about it the more chance you have of acting like a creeper lol. Thats great in theory & hopefully one day we get there as a society, but the cold hard fact is that women are so much more likely than men to be assaulted or coerced on a date. I know you will, though, I believe questions related to love on this site are mostly looking for that one answer of "do what your heart tells you", but seriously - your best bet, really is to establish rapport in another way. I expect it to be more difficult in a big supermarket than in a small shop, but I wouldn't label this behaviour as non respectful. When I was a cashier, someone gave me their phone number. Or, just be a little more obvious about YOUR flirting; hang there beside him just to talk to him, and then watch is body language; is he glad of it, or does he start to get antsy or pull away after a polite interval. Now I tend to err on the side of it is their job to be nice and their job is shitty enough without you slipping them your number so short of them jumping in my lap I just let it go. Oy vey! Her ex used her for her body they broke up 9mos ago. However, with a bit of forethought and confidence, you can make it happen in no But this objection, that there is no other way to meet people besides asking them out when they are WORKING, is pretty silly. Yes, it was a common interest, but I also had a certain number of reservations and sales I needed to make. Q: How can I gain confidence to ask a cashier out? What are the prerequisites of whimsy? Its pretty much a lose/lose situation all around. Idiot. As a former retail manager I am ok with my employees going on dates with customers as long as the customer is the one who did the asking. When youre in a position where your continued success (and as a waitress, your actual ability to pay your eat/bills) is contingent on playing nice with people who treat you like crap day in and day outand looking sufficiently enthusiastic about it, thankyouverymuchthe power dynamic there is way off. I'll just assume you're somewhat smart as to not be caught doing this and that you've already made your mind up. I was 19 and very naive when a customer a few years older asked me out. Unless we want to rely on eHarmony to produce the next generation, you have to take advantage of opportunities that present in the real world. It would be fascinating. Its how our brains are wired up. But we're still not clear of the problem of putting her on the spot. No I haven't idk if I want her getting wind of my intentions instead of it seeming spontaneous. Be sincere and respectful in your approach as this will leave a good impression on them and make them more likely to accept your invitation. Google Schrodingers rapist if you want the full scoop. It stops being flattering at a certain point, and even then there is ALWAYS the pressure of Im at work how can I respond in a way that will keep this persons business and not cause a scene and get me in trouble with my boss?. My base presumption is the OP is generally comfortably asking a person out. So, to answer your question if you know that people are male, then refer to them as male: Gentlemen, Sirs, Guys, or whatever suits the occasion best. just ask her if she would be interested in going to lunch with you i'm sure she would be flattered!!. Also, ten creeps have delivered sleazy pickup lines to her since this morning, you don't need to be the next one. It is best to be direct and honest when asking someone out. I cant throw enough yesses at this reply, fposte. I've never asked out someone I've had no prior knowledge of and think it would be fun. If he says, Oh, I have to get home, maybe hes not so interested. Im in the dont do it camp because if he says no, youll both feel awkward. Scoring a volley in FIFA 22 is an art form that requires skill and finesse. Haha well I plan on it next time I see her working, but idk her work schedule thats the only thing stopping me. You never know how someones going to handle rejection if you dont know them well (and even sometimes if you do). ;). if you go and she's not there, why not ask someone she works with if the girl is single.. do you know her name?? I once stayed at a youth hostel, the day after I checked out I ran into one of their employees on a bus, 200 km from the hostel. I wouldnt necessarily invite someone Id met in this compartmentalized way to my home. A simple compliment or two can go a long way in making a good impression on someone; let them know what drew you towards them in the first place! I understand the situation, and if you really want to know her and you think the signs look good, then I suggest go for it. For instance - southern Europe here - to me it's perfectly acceptable to engage in small talk with the cashier. As long as she's doing anything related to her job (which does involve commuting to and from her home) you leave her alone. Your best hope here is to have a random encounter with her in a more social setting like a bar, where it is a lot more socially acceptable to offer someone a drink/phone number if they indicate an interest in you. Al Haitham Genshin is an accomplished actor, producer, and media personality from India. On top of all the other overlapping chances of something else being in the way. How to ask cashier out for date - Interpersonal Skills Stack Its not about all men being big scary monsters, its about trying to avoid situations that put you at a disadvantage in case someone does turn out to be a monster. Because at least some of us have gotten really, really scary reactions from men when we turned them down. Admittedly, my old district manager basically fired anyone who had a direct complaint made about them no matter how ridiculous (seriously), but these thoughts would all run through my head and Id be scared my livelihood depended on saying yes to a date with someone in whom I am potentially not interested in at all. Also, don't bring it up again, EVER. 3. Please think very carefully about about out a retail employee. I personally wouldnt ask him out directly, but would drop some hints about what youll be doing over the weekend (movies, wine festivals, coffee shops, etc.) Don't go forcing this or setting up though, because again that might just gain you the 'creep' label and might seem like you're stalking her however you do handle that encounter. This way, both of you can learn more about each other while also discovering new places at the same time; an enjoyable experience for everyone involved! is this situation safe? whenever someone flirts with you. Because its *just* flirting? Your interaction with the cashier is constrained by work rules (she has to be nice to you) and also social norms. Ill text you! and then not do it. Slightly OT but those ads were my free entertainment when I was unemployed. The ball is in her field as of now and she'll be the one to decide if she wants to play. OP: I think most people can tell when there is some genuine interest going on. Versus waitstaff who are being grossly hit on by customers know if they go stop talking to me like that, they just cost themselves the tip. And if that goes well, then you have created a good opportunity to ask her on a real date. That would be fun. She's not interested. Don't look like you're gonna make a scene and attract the attention of her boss! If you dont hear from him in a week oh well. Right, this proscription would mean nobody in college would ever go to a party. I was a good 10 years older than him AND he knew I was engaged because after the first incident I made sure to mention it. When the drill was over and he returned to his station, he asked his supervisor for help in reaching out to my coworker. Offer to leave your number or contact details so that they can reach out if interested. I know what youre saying about the stalking: Ive been there myself and would never want to put someone in that position. I see what youre getting at, but my experience in retail and food service was that everybody doing the latter still thinks theyre doing the former. (Of course, maybe he WAS too embarrassed to ever return, but I cant think of why, because politely asking a person out isnt embarrassing), Thanks mel, a friend in retail recommended the note thing; thats how she began dating a customer. Thanks Aaron, Im the OP and appreciate your male perspective on this! I really enjoy talking to you here and Ive thought it might be nice to do it outside of work sometime. So I met this girl about two weeks ago. Can you try something more neutral, like inviting him out to hang out with you and a group of friends? Im not saying you should absolutely never do it, but if you do, make sure its very clear that no is a completely acceptable answer and that the persons manager and coworkers will never know about it if the person declines. A female cashier was unable to provide the return, though. How to Either she's attracted to you, and you create the circumstances where things will happen, or she is not attracted, and you move on. Usually I prefer directness but this might get awkward if you go there often plus retail employees get hit on a lot. She's working, and since she's working as a cashier, her job description doesn't involve being picked up by random guys. It's her job to be nice to you, don't mistake this for her giving hints that she's interested in you. Obtaining it can be challenging, but with some guidance and dedication, you, Read More How To Ask A Cashier Out?Continue, Score a volley in FIFA 22 by pressing and holding the shoot button when receiving a coordinated pass near the goal. Oh man! Try to engage her when you see her, but just minimally. Don't jump to asking for her number, build rapport first. She said shes there to work, not to get hit on or asked out. These guys write Odes of Undying Love and Devotion to the people who make their coffee every morning, and generally feel like its reciprocated because they smile at me every time I come in.